Category Archives: Widow

One is Silver and the Other’s Gold

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While Dave was ill, I made some new friends. These were mainly a couple mothers of Nick’s friends. They helped me tremendously while Dave was in the hospital and then home recovering.

Now that Dave has died and I’m on my own, I’ve added to my friends. People have been very supportive of me. I’ve been very lucky to have people care for me the way they have.

Someone told me that many widows feel reluctant to make new friends, that somehow they’re not supposed to meet new people.  That seems a shame.

At least part of the reason that I continue to make new friends is that  Dave and I often socialized with different people. He was much more of a home-body so he’d stay home and I’d go out. Plus, I attended a lot more networking events and professional meetings so it doesn’t feel odd to me to be out by myself.

It’s good to made friends with women who are also widowed. There’s an understanding that not everyone has. It’s good to have people who want hike or to go see a movie with me or just go out to dinner.

You know there’s that saying about calamity letting you know who your friends are. It turns out that you have friends you didn’t even know about.

 

 

Squirrels in the Attic

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Last year we dealt with a raccoon trying to get into our house. The noise a raccoon makes while tearing at the siding on a house is quite loud. It sounds like someone is taking a baseball bat to the house.

This year I’ve been lucky so far with that. Keep your fingers crossed because I really don’t want to deal with that again.

I did have to call the wildlife removal people though because some animal was caught in my chimney. I woke up on Sunday morning thinking my dog was in the living room scratching and then realized that the dog was in my room. I could hear something trying to claw its way out of the chimney.

I debated on calling the wildlife removal company. After I called the company, I debated if I cancel it. I really struggle lately with these ordinary daily decisions.

When Joe the wildlife guy arrived, he checked out my roof. There is a cap on the chimney but apparently an opening had appeared in the screening. He discovered a bird trapped in the chimney, right where I said it was. Joe dropped a rope into the chimney. The  bird grabbed onto the rope and Joe pulled it out. The bird, rather sooty and dusty, immediately flew away.

The good news is that I didn’t feel compelled to tell Joe that my husband has died. I told some repair man earlier that my husband had died and then realized I told a complete stranger who was at my house that I live here alone. Not so bright so I’m glad I’m learning restraint.

The other good news is that the bird is out of the chimney and the rest of my roof and soffits look fine. We won’t discuss what it cost to save the bird’s life.

Light Bulbs

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I don’t want anyone to think that the reason why I miss Dave is because he changed light bulbs but boy I sure miss Dave because he changed light bulbs. OK, there are other reasons too but every time a bulb goes out I wish he were here. I don’t know how he turned into Mr. Light Bulb Man but somehow, over the years, he did.

It’s bad enough having to change the bulb in a lamp but when I have to climb up on a stool, take down a globe and change the bulb, I’m really unhappy.

I would not be happy, if Dave were here and I was gone, to be missed because I did the laundry but I guess I would understand that small little moment of regret.

Taxes

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With all the paperwork I’ve had to do, it’s finally time to do the taxes. I met with my accountant and began to go through everything. She helped me figure out everything I could use as a deduction. Thank goodness!  Because I need them. I owe a lot in taxes this year.

Medical expenses were a big part of what I can deduct. I knew I had paid several thousand dollars to the hospital last year but could not find that check. I finally called the hospital and asked for a statement. They sent me a listing of payments made for Dave by the insurance company and by us and there was the $6,000 dollar payment I made.

Amazingly, once I saw that, I managed to find the check in my checking account statement. Funny how that works.

I was pretty sure that I had written a check because I remembered writing it. I was sitting at the kitchen table and wrote the check and got it ready to mail. I told Dave I’d paid it.

 

The moral of the story is to keep better records.

Widow Walking: A Blog

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My friends are paying attention now that I’ve started this blog. I’m so happy at the response my writings have received. It’s wonderful.

Now, when I tell someone a story about Dave or what I’m doing now, I hear, “put that in your blog!” That makes me laugh though sometimes I think it’s a great idea.

Also, several of you have said you wanted to share this blog with widowed friends but you weren’t sure if you should. All I can tell you is  that a number of people who are going through grief have said that they recognized what I am describing. So, please feel free to share this site. Maybe it might help your friends to know others suffer too. If it doesn’t help, I don’t think it will hurt. I certainly hope not!

Of course, it occurs to me that there are people I haven’t directed to this site. I guess if I’m not emailing someone or chatting on Facebook, I don’t think to mention I’ve started a blog.