I never know when I’m going to miss Dave. The smallest things can cause me to feel so sad and lonely.

The other day I went to a yoga class. I haven’t been to yoga for a while but I used to go regularly. So, while I’m supposed to be meditating and labeling thoughts as “thoughts,” my mind instantly began to roam.

I thought about how I used to go to a Sunday morning class and Dave would wake me if I slept too late to make it on time. I loved the original teacher for that class. She touched me one time and I started to cry. Why? I can’t remember. I know it was summer. Hmmm, it was when I’d just lost my job and I was very stressed…My first yoga instructor was Susan and she used to work with Dave at Roadway. I went to her first few classes when she was learning how to be a yoga instructor. Then she quit her job and taught yoga full time. I helped her get a job at the local YMCA and I went to her classes there. I always enjoyed her.

And remembering Susan and remembering Dave calling to me on Sunday morning, I was overwhelmed with grief. Then I recalled that I was supposed to be meditating and said, “thought!” to myself.

Maybe it’s not surprising that grief comes when I’m relaxed and clearing my mind. It’s only surprising to me because I’m so rarely relaxed with a clear mind.